Beauty influencer sells COVID virus in new health craze


Photo by K8lyn O'ham

Adderall Rae taking a selfie with the adoring fans who took her COVID weightloss injection.

SATIRE– Over the past year, COVID has been a burden that everyone around the globe has had to deal with. For some it has hit harder than for others. From job losses, to the death of family members, to the lack of taste or smell, this virus hasn’t appeared to benefit anyone at all, until just recently. On February 33, 2021 major TicToc influencer, teenager, and non-medical professional Adderall Rae started her campaign to make money and help others by making use of the deadly virus. Rae came out with her newest endeavor for yet another profession she is unqualified for, called; Forever COVID 21, with the goal in mind to make minors even more insecure and skinny.
Adderall Rae officially launched the covid injection that was created in less than a week on March 4th. This product is to be taken for two to three weeks, seven times a day, and the patients had to be on Rae’s strict “California Girl” diet of $10 small oat milk coffees. Shockingly the injections that prevented taste or smell, which removed her clients desires to eat, were an instant hit and sold out within five hours. In fact, in the first 10 minutes Rae had made 45 million dollars.
Rae was so excited about her success she took to the streets of LA, the epicenter of the pandemic in the US, maskless, and started doing dances for passersbys.
“I am beyond so excited for the rest of my injections to drop later today. Even though the COVID weight loss injections are not technically approved by any medical people, I think it’s such a fun idea. Excuse me I’m out of breath from dancing… but as I was saying, I personally would never ever ever take an injection myself. Not because it’s dangerous! Ha.ha…only because I try to promote body positivity to my fans and I need to keep up my message,” Rae commented, while doing the Renegade.
Aneeda Losweight, a young fan who was looking to drop a few pounds to fit into Rae’s new XXXXS RAE FASHION clothing brand was one of the first to get the slimming down injection.
“Yeah, I mean I basically only took the COVID injections to fit into Adderall’s jacket she just released. I am such a big fan I would do anything to wear her merch. It did kinda hurt because the weight loss only works if the injections go into your lips, but my mom has had plenty of lip fillers so she told me not to worry. I also don’t have to eat or taste my moms gross dinners,” Loswieght said.
Another fan, Ms. Gullible, who previously had COVID and loved the weightloss effects of not tasting or smelling food, was eager to get the injection to lose even more pounds.
“Well first of all these injections better work, they were each like $3,000 bucks a pop. I hope you know that’s like half my allowance. How am I supposed to go to LuluLemon everyday now? When I got COVID last year I got so skinny because I didn’t want any food. I mean who wants to eat when you can’t even taste it, right? The side effects of the injections are also great, unlike real corona. Like I’ve literally only had my first dose and I’ve already gone viral on social media apps like four times. Pretty cool right?” Gullible said.