SATIRE – Donald Turnip’s Song Tops Charts


Look out, the new best of all time, most incredible album ever is here! By the one and only, our fav popstar, bankrupt businessman, and president, Dumb Turnip.

Turnip’s single earlier this year, where he performed the US national anthem with the voices of January 6 Capitol riot protesters, instantly soared to the top of ITunes charts. Turnip decided to keep it going with his album “Greatest hits (to human rights)”. The album features tracks like “It’s an insurrection in the USA”, “I will always love you (spraytans)”, and “Smells like extremist spirit”.

Turnip sampled the beautiful sound of kids crying from his horrible policies, and the album recently topped the Billboard 100 charts for the 1,000,000th week.

“I’m fire on the track,” Turnip said. “The woke left can’t stop this heat.”

His listeners are ecstatic.

“Pink Floyd, Queen, Michael Jackson…ugh. Who even listens to those guys?” Viola Violin said, breakdancing and banging his head to the chanting of rioters. “Finally, I can listen to real music.”

According to sources, Turnip coped with his hard childhood (growing up in a really small mansion) by dreaming big.

“Tbh the whole president thing was just so I could prepare for my real dream: becoming a pop star,” Turnip said. “It’s really easy for someone as talented as me. I mean, my dumb supporters’ campaign donations paid for my voice lessons. MAGA! (Make America Gwen Stefani)”