SATIRE – Wacky Wednesday


Mad Lad

Students at AHS want a short wacky Wednesday back instead of only having a “Wacky Wednesday” once a month.

It’s safe to say that for the greater part of the second semester, Wednesdays have in fact been wacky. From snowy delayed starts, unexpected gas leaks, and harmful threats against the school, Wednesdays have progressively gotten weirder and weirder.

Students and staff can’t help but wonder what is going to happen next. The hallways, classrooms, and commons have buzzed with Wacky Wednesday predictions over the past few weeks. Some seem truly outrageous like having snow days every week or new items at the cafe. Could you even imagine?

But I’m not here to tell you the farfetched ideas students have thrown out into the open. No, I am here to tell the complete truth about what to expect for Wednesdays to come.

“There is going to be an alien invasion on April 5th at approximately 9:56 am,” a very enthusiastic Pella Endarvis stated to the Skier Scribbler.

I was so intrigued by her declaration, I immediately marked my calendar.

“I have been in contact with the aliens for weeks now, they want to come see what life on Earth is really like. It’ll be so cool, almost like having exchange students visiting for the day!” Endarvis explained.

AHS I hope you’re as excited as I am, this prediction seems to be completely true. How incredible would it be to meet an actual, real-life alien? Science teachers like Sarah Banana have already made meeting these extraterrestrials mandatory and count for 50% of IB Biology students’ grades.

I didn’t stop at Pella Endarvis, many students began approaching me with plans for future Wednesdays. And I was determined to hear them all.

“I know for a complete fact that there is going to be a power outage. My computer has been acting slow lately, so I know it’s just a matter of time before the power is affected completely,” Pristine Kristine Hvolbacon declared.

How many students did it take to change a light bulb? Spoiler alert, it was zero because based on this serious Wacky Wednesday forecast, I suggest students should take the day off. I mean it’s definitely safer to go skiing, I mean stay home, when the lights don’t work at school.

I continued my search for the most significant and completely factual projections and found possibly the most fascinating one.

“Harry Hairstyle is coming to school next Wednesday. He called me last night and told me he was on his private jet, on his way to Aspen. I single handedly convinced him to come to school, not to brag or anything,” Amber with an L gushed.

OMG, I screamed, accidently in her face. THE Harry Hairstyle? In ASPEN? At ASPEN HIGH SCHOOL? I am utterly speechless.

Ok, I can speak again. But, wow, AHS I hope you’re ready for more Wacky Wednesdays. This is quite the lineup, I hope you’re getting as excited as I am. Remember to stay wacky, Skiers!