SATIRE – The new cell phone policy created by the AHS administration has swept through every class in high school this year. Phone pockets have been placed at the back of each classroom for students to put their personal devices in from the start to the end of the class period. The goal of the phone pockets is to make sure students aren’t using their phones to text each other to go Juul in the bathrooms during class. Only days after this new rule was created, students began seeing massive amounts of smoke coming from the hallways, classrooms, and of course, the bathrooms.

This idea, although intended to be a solution, has led to even more problems regarding the Juuling problem at AHS. The source and reason for these seemingly patterned smoke bursts were unknown. To get to the bottom of this smokey situation, the administration conducted a series of interrogations of known “juulers” in the high school to try to find answers before this problem grew out of control.

“Yeah, the Burgermeister called me out of biology to come down to the office. Immediately I knew why as soon as I walked through the normally smelly science wing, and the stench was replaced with a crisp minty smell. She interrogated me for about an hour. I don’t know why to be honest; I’ve been clean for a few days now. She seemed frustrated when she couldn’t get anything information out of me,” Porter Pod, an AHS senior, said.

Although some interrogations were unsuccessful, the administration soon uncovered the truth about the masses of smoke that have taken over AHS.

“We believe students have started sending “smoke signals” to their peers to communicate when they are in the bathroom, so they can share a Juul or talk. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and is creating even more distractions than when students just had their phones. Due to the fact that we don’t yet have the expertise to decode these messages, any and all students were seen around or in the smoke clouds will be considered a participant in this problem and will be punished accordingly,” AHS Admins explained in a parent letter sent to the whole school.

An anonymous AHS student came forward with details about the various codes sent by students Juul clouds.

“Basically, different flavors belong to different groups\; then from there, you have different types of signals. There are people who use the traditional smoke signals based on historical ones like Native American smoke signals or some use their own new “language” to be even more secretive. It’s quite complicated, to be honest. I don’t the administration will be able to crack it. Bringing phones back is pretty much the best solution to this problem in my opinion,” Anonymous said.