THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Ex Ed Lottery Sham Revealed

Freshman+Jack+Chase+crying+in+front+of+the+Ex+Ed+offie+just+after+receiving+his+18th+choice+trip
Freshman Jack Chase crying in front of the Ex Ed offie just after receiving his 18th choice trip

Freshman Jack Chase crying in front of the Ex Ed offie just after receiving his 18th choice trip

Harry Kahn

Harry Kahn

Freshman Jack Chase crying in front of the Ex Ed offie just after receiving his 18th choice trip

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A recent investigation has revealed that the AHS Ex Ed lottery is corrupt and rotten to the core.  The Sherriff’s department, in conjunction with Alpine Legal Services, was tipped off by a group of disgruntled Aspen high school football players who had been assigned to a yoga retreat in Crestone, Colorado, in spite of earning low and seemingly advantageous lottery numbers.  Representatives from the Aspen Police Department were spotted yesterday removing boxes of files from Ian Wagner’s Ex Ed office.

Longtime Ex Ed organizer Andy Popinchalk spoke to the press early Monday morning and attempted to defend the current system. “While the occasional gift of cash or baked goods presented to the hard working Ex Ed trip leaders during the weeks leading up to Ex Ed assignments is greatly appreciated, I can promise you that this is not the only factor in our trip placements. Although I do have a taste for fine Jamaican rums and French cheeses, I would never suggest that a better trip placement would be offered to any student who chose to deliver those items to my homeroom, which is, incidentally, room 1201, across from Elizabeth Severy’s classroom.”

“It just doesn’t make any sense.” said sophomore Andy Vernier, who will be spending Ex Ed week learning how to carve wooden baseball bats out of Aspen trees felled by the deadly beetle virus.  “The system has to be rigged. I drew number two out of eight hundred students. I thought I’d be surfing in San Diego. How can this be?”

The administration at AHS promises to cooperate with the investigation and has agreed to allow total transparency.  This year’s Ex Ed week will take place as scheduled.  If the lottery system is indeed overhauled, many noticeable changes will be enacted in the subsequent year.

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