THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

Aspen Ski Bums and Ski Co are Thriving With Less Snow on the Slopes

Aspen ski bums hit the slopes of just grass.

Photo Courtesy of Dailymail.co.uk

Aspen ski bums hit the slopes of just grass.

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SATIRE —  The color white is so last year and the color green is coming in hot this season. Aspen ski bums are having a rad season with less snow upon the cliffs. The local skiers have ultimately decided that skiing on grass is much more fun. The temperatures may be cold, but the snowless slopes are turning the skiers frowns upside down. The prayers for no more snow have been heard and adored. This is thought to be the most profitable season yet. Future professional downhill skier, Earl Ridiculous Skier Grangey, believes that if there was less snow, it could be a better season. 

“This has to be the best season yet. I love seeing patches of grass and rocks. It’s wonderful! I’m hoping for all the snow to melt away though. It’s not helping my tricks,” Grangey said.

The grass patches have definitely benefited the Aspen Ski Company’s profits. The company went from making little to nothing, to making hundreds of thousands. The effect of global warming on the Aspen Ski Resort has transformed the usually lonely mountains into busy ones filled with tourists chomping at the bits to shred the grass patches. Long time local and ski bum, Steve Sassyman, is a fan of using the ‘pizza’ way to stop.

“These conditions are a dream. They are perfect for using the ‘pizza’ and not the french fries. The way the ice feels against my skis is the way kids feel when Frosty the Snowman comes to life.” Sassyman said.

The icy slopes are making the skiers so happy and they love the feeling of uncontrollable speed. With no powder days ahead, the ski bums look forward to the rest of this unforgettable season. Ski Co, founder, Mark Skierberg, believes that the rest of the season will rise like fireworks on fourth of July.

“I have been seeing data from this season and lift ticket prices have soared through the roof. Can you believe it? The town of Aspen is for sure benefiting from the ski industry this year. I’m super stoked for what is in store for the future.” Skierberg said.

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