THE SKIER SCRIBBLER

New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

The+holy+Kermit+the+Frog+poster
The holy Kermit the Frog poster

The holy Kermit the Frog poster

Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

The holy Kermit the Frog poster

Advertisement

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






SATIRE–A new study shows that Millennials and Generation Z are less involved in religion, but a few AHS students are hoping to change that with their new religion, “The Cult of the Supreme Being”. Created by local group of hypebeasts at AHS, their new religion worships a poster of Kermit the Frog in a Supreme sweater. Religious leader and AHS sophomore, Steve Douche, has been reppin Supreme since the start.

“Two years ago I was diagnosed with Hypebeastia, which is a disease that makes it impossible for me to leave the house without wearing some piece of Supreme clothing. It has been a very costly disease for my family but thankfully insurance has covered the cost of my new Supreme pencil case among numerous other Supreme products. I quickly noticed I wasn’t the only sufferer at our school and decided to start this religion so that me and all my fellow Supreme adicts could openly worship our true God,” Douche said.

Two days after his realization, “The Cult of the Supreme Being” had 70 members, including a large following of teachers. Posters of Kermit the Frog in a Supreme sweater cover the halls and outnumber all academic related signs 8:1. Some teachers have even replaced their traditional lessons with teachings from the Supreme catalogue.

“Religions these days have too many rules like go worship and be a good person. I mean what a waste of your time. It’s wayyyyyyyyyy much more important for me to look fly. If Kermit can pull it off so can I,” Alex Ravioli said.

Since its inception at the beginning of this year, the religion has expanded to many other schools throughout the state and nation. President Frump will take a vote next week to decide if “The Cult of the Supreme Being” will be named an official U.S. religion.

“I don’t understand what a hypebeast is but it seems like these people are fighting for a valiant cause,” Frump said.  

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




*

Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • Satire

    Your 2018 Horoscope

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    First Men’s March reaches AHS

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    Graduates say SohCahToa is useful in real life

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    AHS rolls out new transportation program

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    Is weed what we need?

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    And sugar, we’re going down swinging

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    Kylie Jenner’s Baby Has Gotten Plastic Surgery

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    Donald Trump Issues New Exectutive Order: The Approaved Hairstyle Act

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    AHS Welcomes the New Teacher Gun Law with Open Arms

  • New Religion Begins at AHS Worshiping Supreme

    Satire

    The New Camouflage Trend: Where is Everyone?