Donald Trump Issues New Exectutive Order: The Approaved Hairstyle Act


On Friday March 2, 2018 Trump passed an executive order called the “Approved Hairstyle Act,” The order stated that everyone in the country must pick from an approved list of hairstyles or they will be punished by a fine of $100,000 for each day they do not change their hair.
The order was inspired by the North Korean dictator, Kimmy El, and his approved list of hairstyles. Trump released a statement following the passing of the order.
“The other day I was walking in front of Trump Tower and I saw this couple, the man had super long hair and his wife had bright pink hair. They both looked so happy, and I thought, what incompetent idiots. From that day forward I promised I would never see people with weird hair in America again,”
The hairstyles were chosen based on what Trump thinks good Americans should look like. There are five hairstyles for women and three for men. Kimmy El was very touched that Trump admired his policies so much that he implemented them in America.
“I think it is very flattering that Trump agrees with my policies,” El said, “It shows that what I am doing as a leader is making a good impact on the world,”
The hairstyles will create a more uniform look for the country, and not everyone is happy about it. Protesters gathered around the White House on Saturday. One protestor, John Bon, was extremely upset by the law. He holds the world record for longest hair on a man. Bon has been charged $100,000 to his bank account, active on Sunday if he does not change his hair.
“I think this law is dumb dude. People should be able to express themselves freely through their luscious locks” Bon said. “I’ll cut my hair when people admit Avril Lavigne is dead and was replaced by a doppelgänger,”