Scientists are done

Photo by Kaelyn Kroger

SATIRE–BREAKING NEWS- Scientists declared that they have given up. All scientific research and practices will no longer be in effect in the United States.

Scientist reached their limit when President Cheeto 45 signed off on the Anti-Paris Climate treaty, a plan to increase carbon emissions by 78% by 2020.

All across the nation, scientists were seen throwing their protective eyewear to the ground and burning down laboratories in protest of the treaty.  

Sonna Dun, a climate change specialist, turned in her lab coat yesterday morning.

“This has been a long time coming,” said Dun, “no one seems to listen to us anymore, so we all just thought ‘Screw it, you guys are on your own.’”

Donnie Overvit, the leader of the SAD (Scientists Are Done), played an essential role in the scientist’s revolution.

“When half of us are dying from the extreme heat and the rest from the rising sea levels, we’re gonna be raising our glasses to Darwinism at its finest,” said Overvit.

President Cheeto 45 released a statement on Twitter addressing the recent news.

“This is gr8 news! I was going to make science illegal anyways and having them give up saves me a lot of time,” tweeted Trump. “They all say we’re going to be dead, but I don’t think so. We are the United St8tes of America, I’ll just nuke the hurricanes and deadly fires, and then there shouldn’t be a problem.”

Defe Ated, a world-renowned Ecologists who has worked in the field for over 45 years, burned down his infamous laboratory to show support for the cause.  

“We’ve tried everything. It just got exhausting. It’s like talking to a brick wall, except the brick wall spits incoherent facts that half the population believes, and the other half just doesn’t care enough to do anything,” said Ated. “We’re all are in consensus. Good luck everybody.”

While there may be many unforeseen consequences of this movement, one thing is clear: Scientists are not having it.

“What did you guys expect? Y’all took us for granted,” said Overvit.