Students addiction to PowerSchool becomes #1 cause of death in United States


Photo by 660 Spellings

Powerschool addict, Nervous Nelly, getting her daily dose of Powerschool.

SATIRE–PowerSchool, the software used at Aspen School district to manage records and grades online, has reportedly caused over 200 students to be hospitalized due to injuries from distractions caused by the app.

Students frequently open the app on their phones and computers to check the status of their grades, leading some to say they are “addicted.” The app has reportedly reloaded an average of 400 times a second per user, according to data released by the company. The desire to know about grades has caused many students to be rushed to the emergency room.

Nervous Nelly is a student at AHS, who reportedly got a concussion after running into a wall while checking his grades.

“I had just opened PowerSchool, and then I ran into a wall. At least I got an A,” Nelly said, adding that his friends also suffered injuries, such as a shattered toe, due to checking their grades.

Carries Toomuch, another AHS student, totaled his car while checking PowerSchool.

“I was just driving, and I wanted to see what [grade] I got on an assignment; then my car just went off the road and got wrecked,” McDonald said. “It’s okay though, I don’t really care about my car\ It kind of means the same as like, a speck of dust or something to me, whereas PowerSchool is like the world or the universe, you know?”

Mack Studentsad, the current president of the College Board, encourages the use of the app.

“Dedication and commitment are always qualities that colleges look for in their applicants, and the students need to prove that they are devoted to their school work through their grades,” Doleman said. “And if that takes, you know, a broken bone or totaled car, then, so be it, That’s the kind of commitment we like to see.”

Preg Gorter, the founder of the app and website, announced Tuesday at a press conference that the company aims to have an average of 800 app-openings a minute by each user by 2025.

“It’s an ambitious goal, but I think we can make it,” he said, adding that the company will be adding new features, including twice a minute notifications that are unable to be turned off. “We want students to be so worried that they will be on the app 30 hours a day, 8 days a week, every single second of every minute\; they will be so stressed that their brains will explode,” he said, as security guards emerged to remove him from the stage.