Teachers receive pay raise

SATIRE – Just recently, AHS teachers received a salary increase of one million dollars per year. A couple of weeks ago, for an unknown reason, forty teachers requested substitutes on the exact same day forcing most students to cram into one classroom while all independently trying to complete their work. Rumor has it that it was a strike for higher pay, which is exactly what teachers received. With this new raise, though, principal Tharyn Mulfruit and the Burgermeister are curious about what plans teachers have.

Joey Tzatziki, an Italian teacher at AHS, has big plans for the summer.

“Given my fluency in Italian, I think it would be nice to spend the summer in Italy. And while I’m there, I thought I’d bring back a little souvenir to my students. You know, something that lasts for about two weeks and spreads really quickly. Everyone can share it!” Tzatziki said.

Though Tzatziki’s souvenir idea is sweet, Mister had a really generous idea in mind too.

“I think I’ll donate all my money to the AHS cafe so that no student ever has to pay for banana bread or a muffin again!” Mister said.

Some teachers don’t plan on returning to AHS, however, and would rather pursue their passions elsewhere.

Mono, for example, is planning on joining Gordon Ramsey and Guy Fieri for a special edition cooking competition. The Sandman bought part of Amazon, while Carebear Smith will be taking over Apple. Wlexis Aight will be running for president, creating her own election time, and Bernadetti Spaghetti will be switching careers to become a bakery owner.

Needless to say, everyone is extremely happy for these teachers and are excited for their next steps in life. The question is, what is going to happen with all the students? Looks like they’ll be quarantined from the COVID-19 in the commons, but at least they’ll have free muffins! Thanks Mister!