Ava Thornely, Social Media Specialist
• April 1, 2020
SATIRE-The students of Aspen High School have an obsession with keeping their water cold. As one walks in the halls, one can hear the ice cubes in student’s waterbottle clagging around. The recent parental...
SATIRE- Following the Tide Pods fad of 2018, the latest, most popular snack among teenagers is Airpods. Unlike the juicy flavor of a Tide Pod, Airpods must be swallowed like a pill to absorb all of the...
Ava Thornely, Social Media Specialist
• April 1, 2020
SATIRE- Breaking news there seems to be a suspicious robber at AHS taking money from parent’s accounts. The investigation continued until we found it was the students taking their parent’s money for...
SATIRE- In an effort to get students to come to school, the AHS attendance policy has changed, and now, if a student gets one single absence throughout their four years at AHS, that student will not graduate.
In...
SATIRE- The AHS staff has recently announced that starting next year, there will be a new Ex Ed course going to Wuhan, China, where the Coronavirus was first seen.
The trip will be for 7 days, during...
SATIRE--With the rising rates of College tuition, students are now opting out of traditional ways to pay for College.
A recent study from the U.S. Department of College Education has found that 55 percent...
SATIRE --- The world came crashing down Tuesday night when local mom Jill Baker brought store-bought cupcakes to the Newhaven Elementary school bake sale.
“I was desperate. I’m a terrible baker-...
SATIRE--BREAKING NEWS- Scientists declared that they have given up. All scientific research and practices will no longer be in effect in the United States.
Scientist reached their limit when President...
SATIRE --- Living as a tall person (a state of being): the constant state of dealing with stupid questions, being asked to grab objects on a high shelf, and actually being able to see over crowds.
Every...
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “senioritis” as: “Sen·ior·i·tis: /sēnyəˈrīdəs/noun: a supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a...
We’ve all heard it at one point this season; “The IKON Pass has ruined skiing.” This phrase has been mumbled under people’s breath while waiting in ski lines, said to other locals as we pass each...
SATIRE ---This spring, more than half of the AHS sophomores ambitiously signed up for IB Diploma with the idea of ‘keeping their options open’. For anyone that doesn’t know, signing up for Diploma...
